Well douche your snatch and let's go!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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