The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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