Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
