so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
