who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
