Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
