I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
