I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
one might say we're banned from that church
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
