I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
