I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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