Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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