I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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