genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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