Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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