I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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