I wish I could teleport
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
