ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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