so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
