Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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