Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
