This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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