Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
