he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
