he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
