I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
