I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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