So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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