yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
