dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
