I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
