i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
