So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
