Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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