i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
