dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
