so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
