Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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