If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
