I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
