We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dicks are not precious.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
