Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He kissed a someone with a penis
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
