I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
