I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
