Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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