my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
