Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
