I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
