Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
