i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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