Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
