White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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