I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
