I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
