she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
