I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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