My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
