This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
